How Does Modern Society View Anger? Part
Aggressive Forms Of Anger
Aggressive Anger can be explained in the following ways:
- Threatening, such as trying to frighten people by saying
things like how they could do you harm, damage their property or their prospects, finger pointing,
fist shaking, even wearing clothes which can be associated with violent behavior, tailgating, laying on
their car horn, and slamming doors.
- Hurtful, resorting to physical violence, using verbal
abuse, unfair jokes, breaking a confidence, playing loud music when others don't want to hear it, the use
of foul language, ignoring other people’s feelings, willfully discriminating against someone, blaming, or
punishing people for deeds they know they didn't commit, false labeling of others.
- Destructive, damaging objects,
knowingly breaking up a relationship between two people, driving recklessly without caring about the
results, and drinking too much.
- Bullying, threatening people, persecuting people, pushing
or shoving people, using their power to oppress others, shouting, road rage, exploiting people’s
- Unjustly blaming, accusing other people to
cover for your own mistakes, trying to blame other people for your own feelings, making general
accusations without knowing if they are true or not.
- Manic, Things like speaking way too fast, walking too
fast for others to keep up, working too much and expecting others to fit in, driving to fast, and reckless
spending of their money.
- Grandiose, Might be things like showing off, expressing
mistrust when it is not deserved, not delegating things to others, being a very poor loser, wanting to be the
center of attention all the time, not listening to others, talking over people’s heads, expecting
forced make up sessions to solve conflicts.
- Selfish, ignoring other’s needs, not responding to
genuine requests for help, queue jumping, aggressive driving.
- Revengeful, such as being over-punitive, refusing to
forgive and forget or wanting to hold a grudge, bringing up hurtful memories from the past which should just be
left in the past.
- Unpredictable, temperament going from calm to
explosive almost instantly, explosive anger over minor frustrations, attacking indiscriminately and for no real
reason, dispensing punishment out of the blue, inflicting harm on other just for the fun of it,
using alcohol and drugs which are known to destabilize our moods, using illogical arguments to
cause a confrontation.
It should be noted that not everyone displaying these types of behavior
will always have a true anger management problem.
Did You Know This About Anger Management
Management Strategies and Tips for Controlling Anger
We've all heard the old adage: Count to ten and let your anger cool. This works for small outburst of anger or when you feel it bubble up inside of you.
Walking away from confrontations or situations that you suspect may cause you to become angry
Avoid all together situations that have in the past caused you to become angry, if at all possible
Biting your tongue - I would not advise this one, it could be painful. The meaning behind the phrase, though is to think before you speak...
Methods of Anger Management
Psychologists usually will recommend a balanced approach to anger, which will both control the emotion of
anger, while allowing the emotion to be expressed in a healthy way. Examples of which are:
- Direct, no beating around the bush, making their behavior visible as well
as conspicuous, using body language to indicate your true feelings clearly as well as honestly,
direct anger directly at persons involved.
- Honorable, by making it clear that there is a clear and moral basis for the
anger, always being prepared to defend what you believe, learning not to use manipulation or emotional
blackmail to get what you want, never abusing or taking advantage of another person’s basic human rights, never
taking advantage of the weak or defenseless, learning to take responsibility for their own actions.
- Foci, This would be sticking to the issue at hand, and not bringing up irrelevant
- Persistent, repeating your feelings in a discussion over and over again, or
standing your ground.
- Courageous, taking some calculated risks, enduring the short term discomfort in order to
achieve long term gain, taking the risk of the displeasure of some people, taking the lead and not letting
others make all the decisions, accept that others may be angry with you and not to fear it, not following the
crowd and owning up to differences, using self protective skills.
- Passionate, You could use the full power of your body to show the intensity
of your feelings (not in a threatening way), show that you are excited and highly motivated, acting
dynamically and energetically, be the one who is initiating change, show deep caring, being fiercely
protective of important things, be encouraging to others.
- Creative, be a quick thinker on your feet, use more wit in the things you do, learn
to be spontaneously coming up with new ideas as well as new views on different subjects.
- Forgiving, be open and demonstrate a genuine willingness to hear about other
people’s anger and grievances, show the ability to wipe the slate clean once anger has been
Dr. Fiendler suggests that people try, in the heat of any angry situation, to try and see if they can
understand where the other person is coming from. Empathy is always very difficult when we are angry, but it can
make all the difference in the world.
Isn't it the case that when we get very angry with someone, the next day we tend to feel guilty
to some extent? We might say to ourselves something like, "You know, they did have a valid point. Maybe I sort
of over-reacted." Taking the other person's point of view can be hard when in the throes of anger, but with
some practice it can become second nature.
Forgiveness is a wonderful attitude to adopt. Without forgiveness, almost every person
would be fighting with someone else.
You may not be able to forgive someone all the time, and you may not be able to forgive repeat
offenders or those who lack remorse, but there are times when you may be able to forgive mistakes
and one-off incidents that may cause you to be angry at someone.
Try your best to listen carefully to what is being said to you. Anger can create a hostility filter, and very
often all you can hear is the things which are negatively toned.
Buddhists, recommend a different approach. They believe that there are several ways for handling
anger, the most important among them are: equanimity, patience, understanding karma, and realization